Flew into Heathrow today without incident. A far cry from my first trip to London in 2005, when I arrived on the day of the London bombings.

The first I knew of the awaiting disaster was a text message from a friend back in Konstanz saying, ‘Please watch all your limbs closely to make sure they don’t fly off in a bloody gory mess’ (very good taste, that one).

As it turned out, the entire tube system had been shut down and all of central London was blocked off. Promptly, a group of Texans started crying out hysterically ‘Oh my God, they’re going to target airports next!’, at which point I made for the airport bar and downed four cosmopolitans in a row, because if I’m going to be blown up, then I’m bloody well going to do it in style.

Actually that was a blatant lie. What I really did was buy a cheese sandwich and sit outside in the wind with it, staring glumly at a billboard picturing a beaming couple saying ‘Take the tube - the fastest and easiest way into London!’ and letting myself be buffeted by cigarette butts and other assorted litter.

In the end I practically had to bequeath myself to a pimply bus station attendant just to procure a ticket to Bath in the hopes of getting anywhere but there. I knew it was going to be a shitfight for a seat so though I’d been stranded for six hours already and was busting for the loo - not reccommended when you’re about to embark on a five hour bus trip – I all but chained myself to bus station marker…