And now to another German-speaking part of the world… (For those of you on the ball, Maastricht is of course officially Dutch speaking – but there are so many Germans here you’d never know it).

My Lonely Planet says that the Viennese exist on a diet of ballet, art and opera. It also says that the city’s Volksoper (or ‘people’s’ opera house) is the place to be in Vienna if you’re into the slightly more unconventional shows (as opposed to the stick-up-it’s-bum State Opera House, I’m guessing).

The production of Alice in Wonderland that we saw could certainly be described as a show less ordinary, so to speak. We’re talking the mad hatters’ tea party in ballet form, the white rabbit with one butt cheek naked, and a giant caterpillar-type creature made of a line of dancers with their heads up each others bums.

This wasn’t our only ‘post-modern’ experience in Vienna. On account of torrential rain the next day we went to the Museum of Modern Art to get an eyeful of an exhibition on ‘Viennese Actionism’, which basically means guys drenched in blood standing next to strung-up goat caracasses, and someone wrapped in head-to-toe bandages alternately eating and electrocuting a chicken. And a plaster skull with a pair of scissors jammed into the eyeballs, neatly entitled ‘This is where it stabs - how pink it is.’

The sister’s verdict: ‘That’s not art - it’s by some psychotic creep who should be in the loony bin.’