I’ve pasted below for your mild amusement the transcript of a conversation between my travelling mate and I and the manager of the hostel in Sixmilebridge, a tiny Irish town in the midst of nowhere. If you’re Irish, please get back to me with an explanation immediately.

Manager: Welcome, lassies, to our fine wee town…Now let me recommend you a thing or two. You could go catch a movie…
Us: Oh, great, so there’s a cinema here?
Manager: Oh, no, lassies, certainly not…but there’s one in Limerick.
Us: Fantastic. And how do we get to Limerick?
M: Well, let’s see, you’d ‘ave to catch a bus…
U: And what time does the bus come?
M: Oh, the bus stopped runnin’ in 1984.
U: Uh huh. And what about an internet cafe?
M: Oh, no, certainly not, there’s no cafe, but you can use the internet for free at the library in town.
U: Great. What time is the library open til?
M: Golly, no, the library don’t open til September.
U: Right. There must be somewhere we can get something to eat then?
M: T’be sure, m’wee chickens, we’ve got a restaurant right here on the premises…
U: Super, what time does it open?
M: Oh, no (chuckles), it’s not open after noon.
U: Ok…what about in town? There must be somewhere in town we could get some food?
M: Sure, sure, at O’Malley’s y’ can get t’ree.
U: Tree? We can get tree?
M: That’s right, t’ree!
U: Right…tree?
M: T’ree! T’ree t’ings - cheese sandwich, toasted cheese sandwich, or a cheese sandwich with Guiness. Or - wait - a toasted cheese sandwich with Guiness. Truly, lassies, we livin’ in the golden age!